Thursday, May 21st, 2009
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3:44 pm
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I remember thinking when White Chalk came out the live performances of "Silence" were some of the saddest, weariest things ever. But then I took a long break from thinking about PJ Harvey at all, and only recently got obsessed all over again with her entire oeuvre and movement, punctuated, of course, with the stuff from the past two years. And it came back to that song. It should be so much less. But the whole ain't equal to the sum of its parts, etc.
Something about the part where she sings
I freed myself from my family
I freed myself from work
I freed myself, I freed myself
And remained alone
And in my thinking
I steal you away
Though you never wanted me anyway
and then bursts all alone crying "silence" over and over in an echo as if she got up early in the morning to walk around the forest and remind herself not to kill herself over a memory. I don't know. It just gets to me. It's a good encapsulation of that feeling you get as you grow older, where even though you wake up every morning and do the things you need to do and go through all the motions some tiny hidden chamber of yourself remains permanently still, never quite over that one person and that one obsession from when you were young and able to feel things that strongly. You hide it in the every day, let moss grow over it, but it's just sleeping. And when you let it out, free to breathe, sometimes when you're all alone early in the morning...it sounds like this.
And somehow expect you'll find me there
That by some miracle, you'd be aware
That feeling that some part of you will never stop being sad, will never stop feeling fully what it meant to want something so badly, even if on the outside you learn to be normal and go on. That particular thing? It slays me.
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Sunday, March 8th, 2009
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2:53 pm - i swear i've seen this place before.
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Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
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2:14 pm
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i keep letting you back in
how can i explain myself
as painful as this thing has been
i just can't be with no one else
see i know what we have got to do
you let go and i'll let go too
'cause no one's hurt me more than you
and no one ever will
no matter how i think we grow
you always seem to let me know
it ain't working
and when i try to walk away
you hurt yourself to make me stay
this is crazy
care for me, care for me
i know you care for me
there for me, there for me
said you'd be there for me
cry for me, cry for me
you said you'd die for me
give to me, give to me
why won't you live for me
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(comment on this)
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Friday, December 5th, 2008
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11:08 am
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back on the street now
can't forget the things you never said
and on days like these starts me thinking
you gave him your blood and your warm little diamond
he likes killing you after you're dead
you think i'm a queer, i said i think you're a queer
god knows i know i've thrown away those graces...
wrapped around your feet,
wrapped around like good little roses
you've cut out the flute from throat of the loon
at least when you cry now he can't even hear you
when chickens get a taste of your meat girl
when he sucks you deep sometimes you're nothing but meat
/
nothing's gonna stop me from floating
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don't know why she's in my hand
can't figure what it is but
i lie again
/
he says he reckons i'm a watercolor stain
he says i run and then i run from him and then
he didn't see me watching from the aeroplane
he wiped a tear and then he threw away our appleseed
/
every day's my wedding day
i'll die my own easter eggs
just don't go yet just don't go
/
they say that your demons can't go there
and you would if i would but you never would
but threads that are golden don't break easily
and if there is a way to find you i will find you
as long as your army keeps perfectly still
/
counting your bees oh me, honey like one two three
the camera is rolling, it's easy like one two three
/
slag pit, stag shit, oh honey bring it close to my lips
don't blow those brains yet, we gotta be big boy we gotta be big
gonna strike a deal make him feel like a congressman
runnin' in a family, oh it's runnin' in the family
prism perfect, oh honey bring it close to your lips
what is termed a landslide of principle proportion boy
it's gotta be big i said, it better be big
/
everywhere a judas as far as you can see
/
sometimes she's a friend of mine
with her gigantic whirlpool
that will blow your mind
/
or a civilized syllabub to blow your mind
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figure it out
/
won't you just hold down hold down
'cause they're watching my every sound
/
i'm just having thoughts of marianne
quickest girl in the frying pan
i'm just having thoughts of marianne
/
building tumbling down
didn't know our love was so small
couldn't stand at all
the spire is hot and my cells can't feed
and you still got that belle dragging your foot
i'm hiding it well
but i still got that belle dragging my foot in
right on time
you get closer and closer
call my name
there's no way in
use that fame
rent your wife and kids today
yeah maybe she will, i said maybe she will
/
it's sweet
sweet sweet
used to be so sweet to me
i've never seen light
but i sure have seen gold
/
and if my heart is soaking wet boy your boots can leave a mess
and i thought i wouldn't have to be with you something new
thought i knew myself so well
all the dolls i had
your apocalypse was fab
and i thought i wouldn't have to be with you a magazine
/
maybe i'm the after glow
'cause i'm with a band you know
don't you hear the laughter on the way down
hear too much to chatter on the way down
gonna meet a great big star
gonna drive his great big car
gonna have it all here on the way down
the way down she knows
let's go
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don't take me back to the range
i'm just comin' out of the cell in my brain
/
you see our olives are cold pressed
/
congratulate you
said you had double tongue
balancing cake and bread
i don't want to lose her
she must be worth losing
if it is worth something
she's brand new now to you
say goodbye to the old world
she said 1 + 1 is 2
but henry said that it was 3
so it was
here i am
i don't want to lose it
it must be worth losing
if it is worth something
with a bit of a shout a bit of shout
a bit of an angry snout
i don't want to lose him
he must be worth losing
if it is worth something
/
i see that scream go down in the flames
with every step
with every beautiful heel pointed
just another pilot down
maybe i'll just sing him a last little sound
many there know some girls with red ribbons
the prettiest red ribbons
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gotta tell you what i heard
from agent orange
mister suntan
mister happy man
mister i know the girls on all the world tours
mister agent
he's my favorite
and they don't understand
he's got palm oil pants
yes he's down and there and everywhere
he's getting in too deep in this
underwater city where she swims
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had me a trick and a kick and your message
then thought that i could decipher your message
there's no one here dear no one at all
and if i'm wasting all your time this time
maybe you never learned to take
and if i'm hanging on to your shade
i guess i'm way beyond the pale
and southern men can grow old can grow pretty
blood can be pretty like a delicate man
copper to steel to a hinge that has faltered
that lets you in lets you in lets you in
something's just keeping you numb
you told me last night you were a sun now
with your very own devoted satellite
happy for you, and i am sure that i hate you
two sons too many, too many able fires
and if i'm wasting all you time this time
i think you never learned to take
and if i'm hanging on to your shade
i guess i'm way beyond the pale
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standin' on a corner in winslow, arizona
and i'm quite sure i'm in the wrong song
2 girls, 65
got a piece tied up in the back seat
honey, we're recovering christians
in the springtime of his voodoo
he was going to show me spring
and right there for a minute
i knew you so well
got an angry snatch girls you know what i mean
when swivelin' those hips doesn't do the trick
mr. sulu warp speed warp speed
every road leads back to my door
every road i will follow
every road leads back to my door
got all your crosses loaded
and i know she's not that foxy boys
i said i know she's not so foxy but
you gotta owe something sometimes
you gotta owe when you're your momma's sunshine
you've got to give something sometimes
when you're the sweetest cherry in an apple pie
in the springtime of his voodoo
he was going to show me spring
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glue stuck to my shoe
you say you packed my things
and divided what was mine
you're off to the mountain top
but now i've got to worry
'cause boy you still look pretty
when you're putting the damage on
don't make me scratch on your door
i never left you
i'm trying not to move
it's just your ghost passing through
i've never seen light move
like yours can do to me
/
sure that star can twinkle
and you're watching it too
boy so hard boy so hard
but i know a girl twice as hard
but i can see that star
when she twinkles
and she twinkles
and i sure can
that means i sure can
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Thursday, November 13th, 2008
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9:09 pm
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I hope that last things last
past these first charms
these pale charms
I hope that last things last
a hook or a flake
to hold on so you don't break
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
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8:30 pm
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Falling down
I like to watch you
Crawl around
Arms untied
Scratching your eyes out
With a smile
Strange stare
Strangled by the great love
In your heart
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 21st, 2008
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10:47 am
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if i could move the weight of everything
blind the skies and change the tomic role
here i am and i am the answer
where the scars didn't show this time
i'm still wandering 'round your door
how can i explain dear?
you've been gone for some time
but i still believe you'll be here
again
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
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4:29 pm
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Friday, April 25th, 2008
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12:34 pm - you took the blue out of the sky
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with no one's expectations to weigh heavy on my heart
and so much hope it almost tears me all apart
won't you please
knock me off my feet for a while
could you please
knock me off my feet for a while
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Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
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5:18 pm
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are you my real home
or just the one for now?
with all your honesty
and reckless pride
no man wins
their black hearted queen
with all their honesty
and reckless pride
church den churned in light
he's a starring role
dazzled by the chance
to steal the whole damn show
no man wins
their black hearted queen
with all their honesty
and reckless pride
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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
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4:30 pm
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i'm rushing a lamp post
fever's got me comatose
i'm thawing my best jokes
but i sat alone
with the captain of quarantine
yeah i sat alone
with the captain of quarantine
i chewed my way through my boat
i paddled with feathers
i fell snug in the fish snare
my faulty fins fell impaired
with the captain of quarantine
but i sat alone
with the captain of quarantine
but i sat alone
with the captain of quarantine
i sat alone
with the captain of quarantine
you boasted about your coins
i seared back your wooden charm
you shelved my affections
but i sat alone
with the captain of quarantine
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Friday, September 28th, 2007
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5:58 pm - une deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit...desormais.
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so i'm working on a julie doiron mix for Amy, and while sifting through i found this one song i've never been crazy about soundwise, but the words made me smile because they remind me of a certain someone. a smelly boyish someone. sigh.
i love to be annoyed by you
no one else can annoy me like you
i love to be held only by you
no one else can hold me like you do
and i wonder why i was so lucky
to find someone nothing like me
still understanding every part of me
i can't imagine us any differently
i love to be annoyed by you
no one else can annoy me like you
i love to be held only by you
no one else can hold me like you do
i love to be annoyed by you
current mood: i've got bad...
current music: quand je m'ennuie/je pense a toi/je veux dormir/je pense a toi.
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Sunday, September 16th, 2007
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10:17 pm
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They were two superior eels
at the bottom of the tank and they
recognized each other like italics.
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Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
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10:14 pm
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And if you knew what I know
You wouldn't go to see her
And least of all believe her when she says
That she wants you
You're just another puppet
She's not even keeping score
And the lazy way she cheats you leaves me cold
She'll laugh about you to her petty friends
But you don't know
'Cause if you knew what I know
You wouldn't go to see her
And least of all believe her when she says
That she wants you
She spends her daddy's money
And she drives her daddy's car
And what's crazy is the way you think that's style
And all the while my heart is breaking
You're not even on her mind
'Cause if you knew what I know
Babe, you wouldn't leave me
You wouldn't turn away from my love
It's what you said that you believed in
I say this as your friend
You'll be the poor boy in the end
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Friday, June 1st, 2007
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4:56 pm - someone reminded me of this today
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True Love
Wislawa Szymborska
Translated from the original Polish by Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh
True love. Is it normal
is it serious, is it practical?
What does the world get from two people
who exist in a world of their own?
Placed on the same pedestal for no good reason,
drawn randomly from millions but convinced
it had to happen this way--in reward for what?
For nothing.
The light descends from nowhere.
Why on these two and not on others?
Doesn't this outrage justice? Yes it does.
Doesn't it disrupt our painstakingly erected principles,
and cast the moral from the peak? Yes on both accounts.
Look at the happy couple.
Couldn't they at least try to hide it,
fake a little depression for their friends' sake?
Listen to them laughing--it's an insult.
The language they use--deceptively clear.
And their little celebrations, rituals,
the elaborate mutual routines--
it's obviously a plot behind the human race's back!
It's hard even to guess how far things might go
if people start to follow their example.
What could religion and poetry count on?
What would be remembered? What renounced?
Who'd want to stay within bounds?
True love. Is it really necessary?
Tact and common sense tell us to pass over it in silence,
like a scandal in Life's highest circles.
Perfectly good children are born without its help.
It couldn't populate the planet in a million years,
it comes along so rarely.
Let the people who never find true love
keep saying that there's no such thing.
Their faith will make it easier for them to live and die.
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Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
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2:10 pm - some oldies s'for me
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and it will crash in your house
it's not just a heart
but your hands that i need
the soul is in the head
just like the bones in your hand
prepare, for i'm clutching you
hitting tearing touching you
is this the way the tigers do
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does your chest explode
all full of her?
where has your head gone
i should nail it to her door
where are your hands now
i know what you'd
use them for
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no more water
fire next time
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answer to the question
why do birds sing
so flowers know to blossom
and show us it's spring
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your lonesome blood
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the good doesn't get in here no more
good doesn't get in here no more
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love is a sound wishing you were around
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1:54 am
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pour toujours
pour toujours
tu me poseras
et ca sera pour toujours
on prendra un appartement
on y mettra un lit
et nous aurons nos enfants
et ca sera notre vie
mes larmes sur le jour
ne ce font pas croire
memes si on l'entend dans la voix
le sifflement du train me fait rester
me fait rester
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Thursday, February 8th, 2007
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6:09 pm
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“Young people everywhere have been allowed to choose between love and a garbage disposal unit. Everywhere they have chosen the garbage disposal unit.”
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(comment on this)
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2:07 pm - you won't be on the front porch 'til i arrive.
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Friday, November 10th, 2006
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11:29 am
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lord, let me die with a hammer in my hand.
current mood: i think i'll move down into memphis
current music: and thank the hatchet man who forked my tongue.
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